Oblivion
by RewindedMiracle
Summary: A story of a Templar and a mage. They will face trials and tribulations before eventually acknowledging to each other that they had fallen in love. This story is AU and will take you through Origins, DA2 and possibly Inquisition.


**A/N: **_I've been toying with an idea about Cullen and Amell. This is AU where Amell wasn't chosen by Duncan to go to the Grey Wardens but Surana was. I hope you guys like it. Reviews are great. Thank you to Saga Svanhildr for betaing._

* * *

"Oblivion"

_When you play it hard, and I try to follow you there.  
It's not about control but I turn back when I see where you go._

_-"Oblivion" by Bastille_

With great difficulty, Cullen watched Rian Amell as she kicked off her shoes and headed to the shoreline of the little island on which Kinloch Hold sat. He opened his mouth to warn her that she shouldn't go farther into the water lest other Templars might think she was trying to escape, but he knew that he couldn't deny her that one moment of happiness to which she looked forward. A soft smile spread across his features and he glanced down to keep her from noticing. When he looked up at her again, his breath hitched in his throat as he watched her hike up the skirt of her robes so that she could submerge her feet in the water.

"Don't look so cross, Cullen." He hadn't realized that she was looking at him. Her smile was broad and the sound of her laughter was sweet.

This had been a sort of weekly thing for the both of them since he had first come to the tower a year ago. He shouldn't have even been out there with her the first time. He had filled in for her normal Templar escort when the older man was sent to Denerim. She certainly was a favorite of the First Enchanter's and respected by the Knight-Commander; who was he to say no? After that first day, Cullen knew that he was in trouble. He knew he had fallen in love.

When he was chosen to be the knight who would make the killing blow should her Harrowing go wrong, he had panicked. He hadn't known what he would've done if an abomination had come back in the place of… well, he couldn't call her 'his' because that was something that could never be. Would never be… He shook himself out of his thought, knowing that he had to speak back to her. He did not wish to be like those in the Order that thought the mages were lower than themselves.

"Cross?" He asked, smiling despite himself. "Never, my lady." Such endearments weren't permitted in the company of the other Templars, but he managed to spare some words for her. They may have emphasized his affections, but the blush that crept along her skin was worth his small moment of bravery.

She turned toward him and let her skirt fall back to the damp ground, the hem catching the mud as she bent down to pick up her shoes. "I suppose in another life I would've gotten you to swim with me." Did she know of his feelings?

"In another life," he agreed. "Come, we should go inside. The First Enchanter and Knight-Commander expect an important visitor today." She nodded and a sea of brown curls bounced as she walked past to him toward the doors.

Cullen sucked in a deep breath as they parted ways. It took every ounce of energy not to watch her walk away. He hoped to find the rest of his day in quiet solitude but Greagoir had other plans. "Maker help us all," he started and the Templar gave his superior his undivided attention. "The King is calling upon the Circle for mages to meet at Ostagar."

His brow rose. "For what, Knight-Commander?" The possibilities were endless but the obvious conclusion was one thing. War.

"There is a Blight, Cullen, or so he believes," the Knight-Commander straightened his stance. "Those of the Senior Enchanters who can make the trip may go and some of the new mages as well." He thought of Rian and held his breath. "But we have a more serious matter to deal with. Come with me. We must speak to Irving."

Cullen nodded and followed Greagoir to the First Enchanter's quarters. He listened as they spoke of who would join the King's army and who would stay behind with the apprentices. He was relieved when his name didn't come up to go but there was one name in particular that caused him to look up.

"The Amell girl, Rian," Greagoir said. "She has been through her Harrowing, has she not?"

Irving crossed his arms in front of him. "Six months ago," he replied. "But she's hardly ready." It was no secret that Rian was a favorite of the First Enchanters. Cullen held hope that the favoritism would protect her from what awaited to the south. He was unaware of Irving noticing his reaction. "Start with Uldred and Wynne and then go from there, Greagoir."

The Knight-Commander nodded. He turned to leave but paused before turning back to Irving. "There is still the manner of the blood mage."

* * *

The tips of Rian's fingers trailed along the soft spines of the leather bound books of the library. She couldn't sleep. Whispers bounced from the stone walls of the tower. There was a blood mage in their midst. Rumors were just rumors, weren't they? Her eyes trailed over to Nira and Jowan, two apprentices who had gotten close and Rian felt as if she had lost her friend, especially since Anders was no longer in the tower as well. She and Jowan had arrived at the Circle together and now he acted as if she didn't exist. She bit her lower lip and looked away as she delved deeper into the library.

A soft cough announced that she wasn't alone. She turned to see Cullen there. She smiled at him. "I did not expect to see you so soon after our walk, Ser Cullen," she greeted him. He moved next to her and his gauntleted hand touched one of the books before he let out an audible sigh.

"They are sending some mages off to Ostagar," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. He knew he shouldn't have shared details with her but he trusted that she wouldn't say a thing. He was not like some of his fellow Templars in the treatment of mages. Some praised him for it. Some saw it as weakness. "Your name came up."

Rian hesitated. That wasn't something that she had expected. It had been months since her Harrowing and yet she still felt as if she belonged in the apprentice quarters. A lump formed in her throat as if she wasn't already known for her shyness. She withdrew slightly from him as she expected to hear the news that she was among the _lucky_ few to be chosen. If that were the case perhaps she would be in rare form and be one of the ones who came back. But he said nothing and the silence killed her more than the sight of any darkspawn could. "Am I to gather my things?" She asked quietly.

Cullen shook his head, slow but barely moving. "No," he replied and her relief was apparent because she could see it reflecting in his eyes. "Thank the Maker…"

She wasn't sure if she had heard correctly. His hand dared to reach out, brushing slightly against hers. She dreamt of its warmth but only felt the cold reminder of his armor and where they were.

Rian cleared her throat and moved her hand away before she stepped out of reach. "Yes," she agreed. "Thank the Maker." When she gathered the courage to look back at him, she could only muster a small smile. "And thank you, Ser Templar for telling me. I imagine the First Enchanter had something to do with it." His favor wasn't lost on her either but she did look at the older man as the closest thing that she had to a father. Cullen said nothing and she could feel the weight of his gaze. "What…" She stopped herself as she let her voice trail off while she tried to figure out what she could say to him next. "What would you have done if I went?"

She knew that she had crossed the line. She watched him grimace when her words settled in and the realization of what she had said dawned on him. "I…" She was pushing the limits of the relations between Templar and mage. She knew what his vows meant to him and the conviction he held to keep those vows was something to be admired. But when they were together, there was an undeniable pull that felt more forbidden than blood magic. "I would've done everything I could to make sure they changed their minds." Cullen stared at Rian for what felt like an eternity before he nodded and excused himself.

The mage watched her Templar walk away. _Her Templar._ It was heart wrenching to realize that she had given him a possessive descriptor. He was not hers. Sure, he was the Templar who escorted her around the tower and when she deigned to leave their little island, but he would never truly be hers in the sense that defined the love she read about.

Rian made her way to the stairs that would lead her to the mage's quarters when she heard giggling in the corner. She paused for a moment as hushed whispers floated to her ear. She wasn't a fan of idle gossip and certainly didn't condone it when it turned venomous, but it was the mention of her name that gave her a pause.

"_He's so in love with her and she doesn't even know at all!"_

"_What's so good about her?"_

"_It's the quiet ones you have to watch out for, they say."_

"_Well she isn't that special; she isn't the only one you know. At least he's kinder to her than Ser Jon was to Nira."_

Rian reached up a hand and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and took each step to the mages quarters slowly.

* * *

Cullen unbuckled the last of the clasps keeping his armor plate on and removed the steel before setting it to the side next to his bunk. Every night he would remove the plate, buff the steel and sharpen his blade. But tonight; his brothers of the Order seemed extra rowdy and intent on involving him.

"Oi!" Jon shouted. "I think we've all had a crack at most the mages 'cept Cullen here!" He bounded over to him and the blonde did his best not to wince as an arm snaked around his shoulders. He didn't think ill of those he swore oaths with but that didn't mean he had to actually enjoy their company.

"I don't want a crack at anything," he countered as he shook his head.

Jon frowned at him. "But aren't they so sweet? They don't know the corruption of the outside world," the older Templar argued. "We are all they know. We protect them. We show them what life is like and the lessons that come with it."

"I'm sure we have two very different definitions of life, ser," he muttered and Jon grinned at him. He was the worst of those in the tower.

"Come now, Cullen, you can tell me or the rest of us that you haven't taken a peek under one of the mage's skirts," he argued. "Not even a feel?" Maker help him, he could feel the heat burning his cheeks and the boisterous laughter from the senior Templar did not help any. "Oi, lad, we can fix that." Jon ruffled his hair and moved away.

"No, I don't think that-"

Jon whirled around back towards him again. "What about Amell, eh?" He asked as he snapped his fingers as if the most bloody fantastic idea had come to him. Somehow Cullen doubted that. "She seems easy enough to pluck. Would've already if the First Enchanter wasn't always around."

Cullen's jaw set. The idea of the other Templar even being near Rian made his blood boil. He did his best to hide his feelings even though his softness came out when she was before him. He moved away, letting Jon and the others talk of conquests that Cullen himself would never dare to dream of making but he knew one thing. Jon's eyes would avert from Amell. He would make sure of it even if it meant reporting him to Greagoir. He knew that he would lose the respect of his so called brothers. Maybe he could mention it to Irving so he could keep her away from men like Jon.

"Why her?" If there was another question that gave away his feelings then it was lost on him. His teeth ground together as his jaw clenched tightly.

"Because I can." Jon's response had sounded like it was the most obvious thing in the world, Maker help him. He was a poor, misguided fool. Cullen felt the same way about himself. He had turned his head, not wishing to see corruption but now he couldn't avoid it.

"I thought we protected the mages as well as those outside the Circle from their power," Cullen said. His voice was flat and his stare was unmoving.

The amusement was clear in the older Templar's eyes. "We do, ser," Jon replied. "We protect those outside by keeping them inside. We protect the mages by showing them that there's no need to leave the tower when such temptations that lead them to want to leave can be found right here." Cullen's eyes did not follow where Jon's hand went.

He shook his head and went back to his own bunk to continue his nightly routine. Every night, he would ignore the banter but tonight he couldn't help but listen. _She_ had come up and he had to make sure he was listening when her name came up again.

* * *

It had only taken a few days for the Circle to gather the Senior Enchanters and more experienced mages to leave the Circle. The Templars spared who they could to escort them to Ostagar but they all knew that the Order was only there to make sure that none who left Kinloch Hold had the idea to become an apostate.

Kester made a few trips since the ferry wasn't big enough to take all of the mages and the Templars at the same time. It gave enough people time to say their goodbyes. Her old mentor, Wynne, was one of the last to go. They didn't speak, only nodded to each other. Words weren't needed and neither of them was very good at saying goodbye. While Irving was like a surrogate father, she supposed that Wynne had been the mother she had missed since she was taken to the Circle. But Rian still had to give some semblance of a goodbye as the grey haired woman turned towards her one last time as the ferry approached. The young mage raised a hand, waved goodbye and hoped that it wasn't final.

Some cried watching those close to them leave. Some cried thanking the Maker that they were not leaving. Others cried because those leaving would get a taste of freedom that they would never get. Rian watched Wynne leave. She watched those she called friend and colleague march off. When she couldn't stand watching anymore, she turned away to go back inside of the tower.

"Are you alright?"

The voice wasn't one that she expected. She looked up to see Ser Jon standing there. There was something about him that made her uneasy. Most apprentices and some mages she knew feared the Templars. Her only personal experience with them had been with Cullen and Greagoir. Ser Jon was new territory and one that with which she wasn't entirely comfortable. Rian swallowed hard and she looked around to make sure that he was talking to her. She offered him a small smile as she nodded.

"Yes," she replied. "I just want to go back inside."

"May I escort you?" The whispers of him and Nira that she had heard before were forgotten. She almost took the offer when Cullen appeared at her side. The two men stared at each other for a moment when Jon offered a smile and took a step back. "Another time then."

Rian looked at the blonde Templar and felt her breath hitch in her throat. "Do you think that they will come back?" She asked. In some of their lessons as apprentices, the mages learned about the Blights and the Circle's role in them, especially when they talked about the magisters and why all mages were now taken away from their families. It was the death and destruction that scared her the most, not the stories about mages corrupting the Golden City.

He nodded. "They're very talented. Very brave…" He replied slowly. "But I do believe they will return." She wondered if he truly believed that or if he was saying that just to tell her what she wanted to hear.

"Does it make me a coward to be relieved not to join them?"

A soft laugh escaped him as his head tilted down so he could reply and only she would hear. "Does it make me a coward to try and stop you if you had?"

"No," she whispered. She thought of their conversation just days before and now understood why he had left her in the middle of their conversation before. She looked around and saw that they were alone. She turned her attention back to the Templar before her and raised a hand. She touched the side of his face and her thumb stroked his cheek. "What are we going to do?"

Her hand dropped and she missed the touch of his skin, even for that brief moment. "I don't know." But she did. The Chantry came first. Duty and honor came first. She supposed she hadn't expected anything less in the years that they had known each other.

"I'm going to see the First Enchanter," she told him. "Will I see you in the library?"

Cullen nodded. "I'll be waiting."


End file.
